The Difference Between Love and Joy (Rewritten)

From the way this topic is often discussed, it’s easy to get the impression that perfect love, according to the Gospel, is essentially the same thing as sanctification or holiness — and in truth, that understanding is largely correct. Scripture consistently treats those who are perfected in love as people who are accepted, sanctified, and holy. Even though such people still have weaknesses and make mistakes — and even though they must continually rely on Christ’s atonement for both present failings and past sins — they are nonetheless regarded in the New Testament as truly holy.

For that reason, anyone who is sincerely and unselfishly seeking perfect love can rightly be said to be seeking holiness.

That said, experience shows that there is a serious and subtle mistake that some people make along the way. Even when they genuinely desire sanctification and believe they are pursuing it properly, they sometimes confuse love with joy. Without fully realizing it, they end up chasing an intense, emotionally uplifting state rather than true love itself. This is likely what Lady Maxwell was pointing to when she said, 

“The Lord has taught me that it is by faith, and not joy, that I must live.”

Because this confusion strikes at the very foundation of the Christian life, it’s important to clearly distinguish between joy and love. 

1. Joy Is an Emotion; Love Includes Desire for the Good of Others

To begin with, philosophers commonly distinguish between emotions and desires, and this distinction is helpful here. Joy belongs to the category of emotion rather than desire. As an emotional state, joy naturally ends in itself. A person can feel deep, even overwhelming happiness and still remain inactive. Someone may be so absorbed in their own joyful feelings that they give little thought — or action — to the needs of others.

Love, by contrast, is marked by desire. And anything rooted in desire does not stop with itself; it moves outward toward its object. Love pushes beyond feeling and leads to action. More than that, love is active for the good of others.

This difference is crucial. If Christians were filled with joy alone, they might remain comfortably inactive, content by their own firesides while the world suffers around them. Love, however, has a compelling power. It urges us — especially when it is strong — to do good wherever possible. This is exactly what the apostle meant when he said, “The love of Christ constrains us.” (2 Corinthians 5:14).

2. Joy Can Be Selfish; Love Cannot

Second, joy can arise from selfish motives, but true love — especially the unselfish love God requires — is always benevolent. In certain distorted states of mind, people may even take pleasure in the misfortune of others. They may feel satisfied or even happy when others are confused, slandered, or harmed. But it would be impossible to say that they love those people.

Joy, then, can exist where love does not. It can operate in territory that love will never enter. For this reason, it is easy to imagine even evil beings rejoicing — rejoicing, perhaps, in one another’s suffering. Evil becomes their version of good. But it is impossible to imagine them loving.

3. Love Elevates the Soul; Joy Can Make It Passive

Third, love always has something uplifting, refining, and ennobling about it. It is the source of generous actions, moral courage, and spiritual heroism. Love quietly but powerfully fuels great sacrifices and steadfast faith.

Joy, on the other hand — when considered by itself and separated from other guiding principles — tends toward a kind of spiritual self-indulgence. Its natural pull is toward comfort and inward enjoyment. It invites the soul to sit back, relax, and savor its own pleasure. In doing so, it becomes too focused on itself to think deeply about others.

Left unchecked, this tendency can even draw the heart away from God — from Christ and from the Holy Spirit — on whom the soul ought always to rest. That such a result is possible should deeply concern us.

4. Love Is Active and Lasting; Joy Is Often Temporary

Fourth, love is inseparable from desire, which sets it apart from mere emotion. We cannot truly love someone without desiring their good. When love is present, we become alert to opportunities to promote the happiness and well-being of the one we love, and we are faithful to act on those opportunities.

 

When love is strong, it often places another’s happiness above our own. It does not remain still; it moves. And it moves not toward selfish goals, but toward benevolent action.

The love of a parent for a child illustrates this clearly. A child may be physically or mentally impaired, lacking in beauty, ability, or promise. Yet the parent’s heart continually expresses itself in acts of care and kindness. The same kind of love can appear in children toward parents who are harsh, negligent, or broken by vice. Despite poor treatment, the child may still watch over them and serve them — something that can only come from genuine love.

This understanding helps explain why Scripture speaks of people who received the Word with joy but later fell away. Their joy was real, but it was shallow. It had no enduring root of love. Their experience was a passing emotional excitement, not a lasting change in the direction of the heart. Love endures because it clings to its object; joy often fades.

5. Love Seeks God’s Will; Joy Follows as Its Fruit

Finally, true love for God always seeks God's will. It does not ask for comfort or reward, nor does it deliberately seek suffering or hardship. It asks only one question: What does the Father will? Its voice echoes the words of Christ: “I come to do your will, O God.” (Hebrews 10:7).

Just as we naturally think often about those we love and desire their approval, so those who truly love God keep him constantly in mind. His favor matters deeply to them. If he is the highest object of our love, then our greatest happiness is found in continual communion with him and in being united with him through a shared will.

In this state, the soul begins its experience of heaven even now. What follows is true joy — quiet, deep, and steady. Love comes first; joy comes afterward. Love is the driving force; joy is the reward. Love is the living sap flowing through the spiritual tree; joy is one of its beautiful fruits. Where love is strong, joy will not ultimately be lacking. But where love is absent, the only joy available is the joy of the world — a joy that leads to death.

Concluding Reflections

From all this, a few final observations follow naturally. If we are truly sanctified — if we genuinely love God with our whole hearts — our Christian life will be consistent and steady. God’s will will be our rule, and love for God will be our motive. Because God’s will does not change and is clearly revealed, especially in Scripture, we will seek to obey it faithfully, without being tossed about by fluctuating emotions that so often unsettle spiritual life.

Moreover, this state of love does not leave us without comfort. Desire, by its nature, brings satisfaction when it is fulfilled. And so, when we love God, desire his will, and both act and suffer in accordance with it, we cannot help but experience a real measure of happiness.

If we chase joy as our primary goal, we will miss it. But if, driven by love, we seek only to do and endure God’s will, we will receive all the consolation we truly need — except in those moments when God, by a special act of wisdom, withholds comfort to test our faith. Even then, if faith holds fast through the sense of abandonment — as when Christ cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” — comfort will surely return in due time.

 

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This is a revision of Part 1, Chapter 14 of Thomas C. Upham's book The Interior or Hidden Life (2nd edition 1844), written with the assistance of Microslop CoPilot. The original chapter can be found here: On the distinction between Love and Joy.